


a single night

by 915



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Childhood Friends, College AU, Fluff and Angst, Growing Distant, M/M, reunited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:22:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23388061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/915/pseuds/915
Summary: Han Jisung and Hwang Hyunjin were best friends throughout middle school and their freshman of high school. But in their sophomore year, Hyunjin just... vanished.Little do they know, they now attend the same college, and Jisung hasn't stopped hating Hyunjin for abandoning him those many years ago.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 207





	a single night

**Author's Note:**

> for miles. happy birthday love. 
> 
> huge thank you to [**914**](https://archiveofourown.org/users/914) for helping me tons in the making. adore u always

“Hyunjin, please.”

Jisung’s fingers shook as he held his phone next to his ear. The phone was still ringing, a sound he dreaded the more it went on.

“Please answer.”

His heart caved the moment he heard Hyunjin’s voice. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Please come over.” Jisung didn’t wait another beat. He needed him right now.

“Okay. Give me five.”

Hyunjin didn’t need to ask any questions. He only needed to hear Jisung’s voice to know how urgent it was. Jisung didn't doubt that for a second.

Within those five minutes, Jisung lost the strength to suppress the tears he’d been holding.

He didn’t want to go downstairs and alert his parents. They were bound to make it a bigger deal than it really was. He only wanted to talk to Hyunjin. Jisung believed Hyunjin was the only person who would understand him. He was his best friend, after all.

Jisung knew he had arrived the moment he heard a tap at his window.

Relief flooded his body, but the tears increased their flow. Jisung parted the curtains and Hyunjin’s face was on the other side, staring back at him. His lips were slightly parted, and there was sadness in his eyes at the sight of his friend’s tears. Jisung could tell he had sprinted his way here. A drop of sweat traveled down the side of his face.

He pushed the window up with his weakened arms, but Hyunjin didn’t wait for it to open entirely. As soon as there was enough space, Hyunjin leaned over and wrapped his arms around Jisung.

Jisung’s face sunk deep into Hyunjin’s shoulder, taking in the warmth that only he could provide. He smelled kind of sweaty, but he didn’t care. The familiarity of it all made his chest stir. The fabric of the blue varsity jacket he liked to wear brushed across his cheek. The scent of the slight bit of cologne, even though he didn’t particularly like wearing it. It was so constant. He was the only constant in the whirlwind that was his life. A loud sob burst from his mouth, prompting Hyunjin to hold him even tighter. He didn’t tell him to quiet down. He didn’t ask if he was okay. He was the solid presence Jisung needed.

A cold breeze blew into the room, snapping Jisung out of it. “Come on,” he said, “you’ll freeze out there.”

“I’m good,” Hyunjin said. But he still climbed inside anyway. “I’ll close it. Go sit.”

Jisung followed his orders and sat on the edge of his bed. He watched as Hyunjin slid the window down and secured the lock, then as he bent over the heater to warm his hands.

Jisung’s breath was hitching in little hiccups as Hyunjin came over to sit next to him.

Hyunjin continued to keep quiet. He tended to do that. He liked to wait for people to get ready to tell him things themselves instead of pressuring them. It was something Jisung wasn’t understanding of at first, but he later learned that it was just Hyunjin’s way of showing he cared.

“I’m scared, Hyunjin,” Jisung said. The tears pooled in his eyes again, his nose burning. “I’m so scared.”

“Why?” Hyunjin prodded gently. He wasn’t touching him now. It was Jisung’s time to talk.

“I’m scared of life.” Jisung’s chest squeezed hard with the next sob that came out. “I’m so scared I won’t make it, that I’ll fail. That I’ll be a waste of society. I’m afraid to grow up. It’s our job to figure out what we want to do for the rest of our lives and then we just keep doing the same thing over and over. What if I’m not cut out for it? What happens then?”

He paused, but from the way his chest was rising and falling, it wasn’t hard to tell he wasn’t finished.

“Why does everything have to keep changing? Everything is moving so fast for no reason. We just started middle school yesterday, and now we’re freshmen? It feels like ages ago that I met you. And no one is permanent. Soon we’ll be graduating and then we’ll be in college and… and—”

What he said next hurt him the most.

“—then you’ll leave me behind.”

Jisung turned away from Hyunjin, embarrassed. The tears were cascading down his neck and into his shirt. He couldn’t be bothered to wipe them away. Instead, Hyunjin placed his hand under Jisung’s chin, the sleeve of his jacket folded over his other hand. His touch was light as he dabbed the tears on his cheeks. There were too many slipping out for it to really make a difference, but he tried anyway.

“Jisung,” Hyunjin said firmly. He’d never heard him so serious before. There was always a laugh waiting behind his words, but Jisung couldn’t hear it this time. “I’ll never leave you behind. None of that is going to happen. You will make it. You’re resourceful, you’re clever. Hell, you’re Han Jisung. None of us know what we’re doing yet, but in a few years, we’ll get there. I’m going to be with you every step of the way. Okay?” He tilted Jisung’s chin up to meet his eyes. “I’m never leaving you behind, Jisung. I promise. We’ll walk across that stage at graduation together. Just wait on it.”

The sincerity in Hyunjin’s voice made Jisung emotional all over again, and Hyunjin folded him back into an embrace.

“We’ll be okay,” Hyunjin whispered. “I promise.”

They stayed together for a few more hours before Hyunjin’s mom called him to come back home.

Before making his exit through the window, Hyunjin stopped to remove his jacket. “Here. You can sleep with this tonight. I know you like it.”

Jisung brushed his thumbs across the number on the back. “Oh… no. I can’t.”

“You don’t have to give it back to me. Keep it.”

“Hyunjin, I—”

Hyunjin was already on the other side of the window, though. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow. Text me if you need anything. Okay?”

He didn’t wait for Jisung to respond back.

Jisung thought about the promise every time he felt down after that. He knew that no matter what happened, no matter how much everything else changed, Hyunjin would always be there.

Jisung kept promises close to his heart.

He just never thought Hyunjin would really break his.

Unapologetically.

He was the last person to see it coming.

The following year, Hyunjin stopped going to school. He stopped taking his calls.

The day it became permanent was the day Jisung tried to go to his house.

His sweaty hands gripped the handlebars on his bike, silently praying it was all just a misunderstanding. He didn't even want an explanation. He didn't need to know why he vanished. He just needed Hyunjin to come back so everything could start making sense again.

But the driveway was empty, the windows were dark, and all he was met with was a For Sale sign on the front lawn.

He’d left his heart at that house that day, hoping he would return.

But he never did.

  
  
  
  


**THREE YEARS LATER**

  
  
  
  


Jisung didn’t like studying. At all.

He sat in front of his laptop at the library, with his iced americano sitting precariously close to the edge of the table. His brain was too overwhelmed to even care, and his eyes were getting exhausted from staring at the screen’s blue light for hours. There were books laying haphazardly on the table, piled on top of each other.

He lifted up his glasses from the bridge of his nose to rub his eyes, which didn't help much. Whenever he rested his head on the palm of his hand, he'd silently scold himself. He refused to allow himself as much as a second of sleep today, even though he was so used to taking naps in his free time. He was starting to notice the toll it took on him now.

He thought he looked insane, being the only one in the library that looked as stressed as he did. Most of the other students equipped themselves with a single pencil and notebook along with their mobile device and called it a day. It wasn't finals season. In fact, this time of the year was considered the _least_ stressful. But that didn't mean anything to Jisung.

He was in the middle of a productive streak. He hadn't had this much energy since the beginning of the semester and he didn't want it to go to waste. After having an epiphany the night before, he realized he wasn't doing the most he could've been doing in his life. The most important being his studies.

He’d decided to apply to university with his major undecided. He needed to figure out soon which degree he would actually go for, but he opted for the liberal arts division from the beginning. For now, he mostly needed to focus on his gen ed classes, which were already complicated enough.

He’d started to slack off in high school, catching the worst end of the stick when it came to senioritis. He didn't even think he would make it into college at all, and the biggest wave of relief had overcome him when he received the letter of acceptance, from not one, but three universities. Afterwards, he dove headfirst into the real world and had no idea how to manage all of it by himself.

It’d been just over three years since Hyunjin disappeared. He didn't think about him nearly as much as before. It was only in passing that Jisung wondered how he was. He didn't really care to know anymore. He only felt hatred after the betrayal and hurt he had caused him. If given the chance, Jisung knew he no longer wanted the closure of reconciliation. He would never forgive Hyunjin for what he did.

Jisung’s phone buzzed on the table, the alarm he’d set to remind himself of the time now indicating he had three hours left. It was 8 o’clock, and he wanted to get his work done by 11. Only then would he allow himself to go back to his dorm room and get sleep.

He decided to indulge himself for just five minutes. He took a sip of his americano and swiped through his phone for a playlist to relax his nerves. Kind of contradictory, since he had enough caffeine in his body to power him for a week.

Plugging his headphones into his ears, he closed his eyes and lightly tapped his foot to the beat of the music.

_Just five minutes. One song and a half._

Those five minutes passed too quickly to do him any real good, but he still maintained enough discipline to pause his music, stuff his phone back in the pocket of his hoodie, and crack his knuckles to get back to typing.

Maybe the little break actually worked, because in an hour, he’d finished up the rest of his essay and his math practice with two more to spare.

The satisfaction of closing the tabs on his laptop and shutting it off made him smile a little bit. Now he didn't really know what to do with the rest of his time, and for once he didn't want to go to bed. There was too much adrenaline in his body.

He could call up one of his friends, like Minho, or maybe Changbin. But Minho, of course, would be too busy. He always claimed getting his veterinary degree was above all else. Changbin, on the other hand, was too loud for a night like this. For once, Jisung wanted to relax and enjoy some peace and quiet.

He didn't like being alone, though.

As he mulled it over, he collected all the books that were sprawled across the table and put them in a neat pile. Then he picked up his computer and put it in his bag, pushed in his chair, and strolled past the rows and rows of bookshelves as he exited the library.

The smell of books quickly left his nose the moment he stepped outside. The weather was brisk today, and the breeze nipped at his cheeks. He secured his bag around his shoulder and blew hot air into his hands before he made his way to the dorms. He had to go past the courtyard to get there, and even now there were still students hanging out in the area.

Jisung wasn’t very far away when the wind suddenly picked up, taking his beanie with it. It fell flat just a few feet away. He set down his bag in the grass and knelt down to pick it up. He vigorously shook it to remove the dirt and grass, and then he stood and bent over to grab the rest of his things. Just as he was straightening back up, his glasses slipped off the end of his nose, and a chilling voice came from behind him, forcing the temperature in the vicinity to drop more than twenty degrees.

He nearly lost his balance as he froze, but he regained his composure enough to stand up straight. Was he hearing right? Did the voice belong to who he thought it did?

Maybe it was just someone in one of his classes and he just wanted to say hi.

“Han Jisung?”

His extremities numbed. He couldn’t feel his fingers or his toes. All the hot blood in his body rushed to his face, and his ears burned.

He hardly spoke in any of his classes. He hadn’t even done any group projects yet. Which one of his classmates would know his full name?

_It sounds like…_

_No._

_Dreaming. I’m dreamingdreamingdreaming._

It couldn’t be him. He wasn’t really here. The caffeine finally got to him, that was it. Maybe if he went to bed early today, he would—

“Jisung, is that really you?”

But there it was again. The stir in his chest at the sound of his smooth voice. Only this time, it didn’t make him feel warm. It took him down to the frozen lake in the ninth circle of Hell.

He didn’t want to turn around.

The vocal inflections, they were his. But maybe he was just being dumb. Maybe it just sounded like him. He’s met people with similar voices before.

He couldn’t walk away, right? He couldn’t be rude. And he just wanted to make sure...

Temptation, after all, could lead to a man’s demise.

It didn’t help that whoever it was tapped him on the shoulder.

He looked at the person’s hand and saw his glasses in them. “Here, you dropped this.”

Jisung took a step back and kept his head down.

His eyes first caught his shoes, then his blue jeans. He wore a plain red crewneck, and there was the glint of a thin silver chain around his neck.

His lips still looked the same. His nose did too. They were kind of blurry though.

Jisung slid his glasses back on his face, securing the legs behind his ears. Jisung’s vision was now sharper as he painstakingly met his eyes, and his arms fell heavily at his sides.

They were dark, solemn. The small freckle under his eye was still there.

His hair was still black and straight.

He’d just grown a lot taller since he last saw him.

But he was painfully similar to how he used to be. And it made it so much harder to look away.

He couldn’t have expected him to look different, but his features were now so strange to him.

“Jisung.”

His eyes were pleading.

Jisung took a deep breath.

“Hyunjin,” Jisung answered flatly. There was no weight to the way he said the name, but his blood felt like it had turned to lead.

Before Hyunjin could get out another word, Jisung turned his back to him and continued to walk to the dorm building.

“Wait. I have to talk to you.” The sound of Hyunjin tripping over himself to follow echoed in Jisung’s ears.

“I don't want to hear it,” Jisung countered.

“Jisung, please.”

Jisung scanned his key card to the building and opened the door, wincing when he realized he threw it open too far. The door closed so slowly that Hyunjin caught it and continued to follow him, and Jisung even went the extra mile by taking the stairs instead of the elevator.

He could hear Hyunjin panting behind him by the time he got to his dorm at the end of the fourth floor hallway.

“I will wait… outside your door… the entire night… if I have to,” he managed between breaths.

Jisung shrugged and threw him an indifferent look. “Suit yourself.”

He pushed the door closed behind him, but Hyunjin swiftly put his foot in front of the frame before it shut all the way.

“I know you hate me, Jisung but please. I just want to talk.”

Jisung didn’t try to fight him anymore. He stepped back and threw his bag and beanie on his bed and sat. He didn’t really want to hear what Hyunjin had to say, but he knew he was a determined guy. He removed his glasses and started wiping the lenses with his sleeves. Better sooner than later, he figured.

“You left your coffee on the table at the library, by the way,” Hyunjin muttered.

Jisung froze and his eyes widened, incredulous. “You were watching me?”

“Yeah.” Hyunjin put his hands in his pockets. “I wasn’t sure it was you until I saw your hat come off. And the glasses.”

Jisung frowned. That’s right. He rarely wore them back when Hyunjin was around.

“For how long?” Jisung interrogated. The thought made him so uncomfortable the hair at his nape stood up.

“It was about half an hour before you left. I had to return a bunch of books and then I saw you,” Hyunjin confessed.

“And you followed me across the field? What were you planning to do if it _wasn’t_ me?” Jisung shook his head in disbelief. “Actually, I don’t care. I could have a restraining order placed on you if you keep that up.”

Hyunjin smiled sadly. “You really haven’t changed much, huh?”

Jisung felt his eyes start to prick, but he refused to let himself cry in front of him. He’d already lost that privilege. But he couldn’t believe he was actually there, standing just five feet away. The tiniest part of him wanted to take the two strides and hug him tight so he wouldn’t leave him again. Trapped, somewhere deep inside him, was the fifteen-year-old boy who needed his best friend back, wanting to break free.

“Just say what you wanted to say, Hyunjin.” He closed his fists, fighting his own emotions. “After that, I never want to see you again.”

Hyunjin’s tension eased, his relief more than obvious. “Okay. Come on.”

“What?” Jisung placed his glasses on the desk next to him.

“I’m taking you out to eat. I know you’re probably hungry.”

“Who said I’m okay with that?”

“Me.” Hyunjin stepped forward and took Jisung’s wrist. “Let’s go.”

It all felt like a dream. Hyunjin touching him for the first time in years. Breathing the same air as him. Smelling traces of a different cologne, but still subtle in the way only Hyunjin could pull off. It was so vaguely familiar that Jisung wanted to let his guard down and relish it. But he felt that would be disrespecting himself and his pride. He couldn’t allow himself to do that.

They made it to the elevator at the end of the hallway before he snatched his wrist from Hyunjin’s grasp. There was a ghost of the sensation left behind, leaving his skin tingly.

“Where are we going?” Jisung probed.

“It’s a surprise, Hannie, be patient.”

When Jisung glanced at him, Hyunjin was watching the changing number above the elevator doors.

He was the only person that ever called him Hannie. 

The elevator dinged as it opened, granting the boys entrance within its walls of palpable awkwardness.

Neither of them knew what to say or do. Jisung had so many questions for him, but he didn’t know if he should wait, or if he wanted to ask them at all. He didn’t want to be hurt all over again.

Once they left the building, Hyunjin spoke up. “I’m going to grab my bike.” He hesitated for a moment before adding, “My apartment isn’t too far from here. We can head there first, if that’s okay with you? The place I want to go to is a bit far off from campus.”

“Okay,” Jisung sighed.

This was already taking longer than he’d anticipated. They should've just stayed in his room. The more time he spent with Hyunjin, the more likely it was for him to make a mistake. He wanted to get out of this situation as seamlessly as possible. Logically, he also played a role in putting himself there and could easily pull himself out before things got ugly. But he thought maybe a small part of him felt bad for Hyunjin. Or he just missed him, plain and simple.

Hyunjin was walking a few steps in front of Jisung. He could gladly run back to the dorms and never have to see him again.

“I hope you know that I hate you, Hwang Hyunjin,” Jisung blurted instead.

“I know,” Hyunjin said. He sounded defeated, and his head even fell a bit. But he still maintained the same pace.

Jisung wished that hadn’t made him feel as bad as it did. He didn’t want to feel anything for Hyunjin anymore. He didn’t even care about hating him. He just wanted him out of his life for good.

Hyunjin finally slowed in front of a building about fifteen minutes away from campus. “Stay here, I’ll be back in a couple.”

Jisung watched him until he disappeared up the stairs.

He was thinking of doing it. Leaving him behind. Just so Hyunjin could see how he felt.

But before he could fully decide on it, Hyunjin was pushing his bicycle through the gate at the front of the building.

“Here,” he said, “Just ride on the back and we’ll be there in no time.”

Jisung almost didn't have the strength to argue anymore. He followed Hyunjin’s instructions and mounted himself on the flat rear of the bike and kept his back to Hyunjin, his hands bracing around the part he sat on to keep himself from falling.

Once again, they wordlessly ventured through the city. Jisung closed his eyes and he felt as if he were gliding in the wind. It tousled his hair and made him feel insanely colder than he did before, and his hoodie wasn't enough to shield him from it. He had to stop his teeth from audibly chattering.

Thankfully, Hyunjin was going as fast as he could and he announced their arrival just as Jisung was reaching his limit.

When Jisung hopped off and scanned the area, he noticed that just about five steps away was a cute little pastry shop, with intricately decorated cupcakes and cakes on display at the window.

The street was lit up by streetlights, but it wasn’t bustling at this time of the night. Jisung could almost picture how it could be at lunchtime, with the workers coming in and out during break, or the schoolchildren in uniforms arriving in clusters to use up the money their parents gave them.

Jisung’s mouth watered. “Is this…?”

Hyunjin shook his head. “This is dessert. But the place two doors down makes really good kimchi jjigae.”

“You're bribing me at this point,” Jisung grumbled. But his stomach loudly complained.

“It’s still your favorite, right?” Hyunjin eyed him expectantly.

Jisung couldn't believe he remembered that, too. “Yeah. It is.” He pursed his lips. “You remember that?”

Hyunjin glanced at him cautiously. “I do.”

The restaurant Hyunjin led them into was small and humble. There were some other university students there, probably looking to get drunk at this hour. An older woman at the counter gave Jisung a kind smile that helped calm his nerves.

Lights were hanging from the ceiling but were sparsely placed, so the lighting and ambience were dim and relaxing. Hyunjin seemed to know what he was doing, bringing him here.

They sat at an empty table in a secluded corner, far from the tipsy students who would only be disruptive to them. A younger woman came to take their orders, and Hyunjin gladly took over.

It seemed like he didn't forget that ordering food made Jisung anxious either.

When she asked what they wanted to drink, Jisung blurted, “Soju. Please.” He was already feeling at ease, but he needed something more.

The woman nodded and went back to the kitchen.

“Can you tell me what you want to talk about now?” Jisung asked.

“Not yet.”

Jisung sighed deeply. But he decided to change the subject instead. “I haven't had this in a while.”

“Me neither,” Hyunjin said. “I think it's been years for me.”

 _Years._ One of the last times Jisung hung out with him, they'd gone to eat kimchi jjigae. Could that be what he meant?

“It’s been a few months,” Jisung replied, trying to hide the bitterness in his voice.

The woman came back and handed them each a bottle of soju and a small glass. Once she left, Jisung poured himself one and downed it in one go.

“Whoa, there,” Hyunjin said.

“What? You care, all of a sudden?” Jisung snapped. His tension was already multiplying again.

Hyunjin frowned. “I just don't want you to do something you'll regret.”

_I already regret being here with you._

Jisung stayed silent as he took another shot, his eye contact unbreaking.

Hyunjin winced, and then sighed. “I didn't know you came to uni here.”

The alcohol burned like fire in his throat. _You would know if you hadn't–_

Jisung shrugged. “I almost didn't make it.”

“But you did,” Hyunjin said. “That's what matters.”

Jisung didn't want to continue the conversation anymore, but the alcohol was starting to take over.

“What's your major?”

_Probably psychology._

“Psychology,” Hyunjin responded. “What's yours?”

“I don't know yet,” Jisung said reluctantly. He looked down at his fingers nervously twiddling in his lap. The answer was embarrassing to him everytime he spoke it, which wasn't often, but it struck him even harder when saying it to Hyunjin.

They made small talk until the food arrived, and by that time Jisung was already tipsy. Hyunjin asked the woman for a bottle of water, but Jisung made a point of not wanting to drink it.

They both ate in silence, with the food slightly raising Jisung’s spirits. He was so enthralled with the consumption of his meal that he forgot about drinking at all.

Hyunjin finished first, moving on to his own alcohol consumption, but actually being smart about it. He only filled his cup a little bit, and took it in slowly as he waited for Jisung to finish.

Jisung made sure to savor every bite for his own pleasure, but also so that he could delay having to hear Hyunjin out. He was curious, but he was also still afraid.

Jisung stopped before he got full in hopes that he would have enough room for dessert.

As they were leaving, Jisung was starting to pull out his wallet when Hyunjin said, “Stop. It's on me.”

“I–”

But Hyunjin was already handing the money over to the cashier and dragging Jisung out with his hand on his wrist again.

Before entering the pastry shop, Hyunjin put a hand on Jisung's chest to stop him. “Wait here.”

“Um. Okay.”

He watched Hyunjin go inside the building and sat at one of the tables outside, continuing to observe him through the windows.

The table had an umbrella covering the table, forbidding any light to pass through. The streets were desolate and eerie, and the dry winter air wasn’t helping. If it weren’t for some of the lit up shops still open at this hour, it would look like a scene straight out of a horror movie. Jisung was simply alone with his thoughts.

Was he being too harsh? It was clear Hyunjin was doing everything he could to show him he was sorry before verbally saying it.

Maybe Jisung did still care about him. Maybe more than he thought he did. He was still here, patiently sitting while he chatted with the cashier. He wasn’t giving him the cold shoulder anymore. Part of him had given in.

 _Just hear him out and you can walk away like nothing ever happened,_ he told himself.

It seemed like his order was already waiting for him. He saw the boy behind the counter pull something from below him instead of from inside the glass cases. It was neatly boxed up in a blue container.

How was that even possible? When would he have called in if he’d been with him the whole time?

Jisung pretended he hadn't been staring when he came back out.

“Come on, let's go somewhere else,” Hyunjin beckoned.

Jisung followed as Hyunjin got back on his bike. He put the box on one of his handlebars and sat still until Jisung situated himself. When he pulled off though, Jisung wobbled so much he had to yell out for him to stop. Hyunjin did so immediately.

“Are you okay?” Hyunjin asked, alarmed.

Jisung got off and shook his head. “Yeah, I just lost my balance.” He cursed himself for drinking too much.

“You might have to… put your arms around me,” Hyunjin said.

Jisung sighed. “Okay.”

He climbed on once again, this time facing the same direction as Hyunjin. He awkwardly fastened his arms around Hyunjin’s abdomen, locking his fingers together. He thought he heard Hyunjin’s breath quiver, but he couldn't tell if that was from the cold.

“Don't make a big deal out of this,” Jisung said.

But inside, his heart was racing. It beat so hard he could feel his heartbeat in his fingers, and he prayed Hyunjin couldn't feel it.

“I won't,” Hyunjin breathed.

It was so hard to hate him.

As Hyunjin pedaled, Jisung stared at the back of him.

The moonlight reflected off the black of his hair. His skin glowed, and it still had the youth from three years ago.

Jisung looked away when he started feeling butterflies. He didn't want the story to repeat. He couldn't trust him anymore. He didn't want this feeling again.

He averted his focus on the nature they were passing instead, looking at the occasional patch of flowers and how dense the trees were with leaves. He needed a distraction.

Hyunjin began to slow down when a park came into view. There were lights in these trees, greeting the upcoming holiday season.

The fields were empty, and there was a colorful playground with swings, currently abandoned. Jisung had never been here before.

They stopped in front of a bench overlooking a small lake, shadows forming over it from the large oak tree beside it. Tiny ripples emerged from it, indicating life in its tranquil waters.

The view was too calm for the turmoil he felt inside.

Jisung quickly pulled himself away from Hyunjin and plopped down on the bench, clenching his fists together as he glared at the water.

This was all going too fast. He didn't know what caused it, but something in him snapped.

Hyunjin was propping his bike on the tree as Jisung’s temper fluctuated.

“Don't do this to me, Hyunjin,” Jisung said. Hyunjin froze in his tracks. “Don't call me Hannie. Don't take me out to eat. Don't make me hug you on your bike. I’m not your friend.”

“If you really had a problem, you could've just–”

Jisung cut him off. “No, shut up. You forced yourself on me. From the start I think I made it clear I don't want you around.”

It was getting harder and harder to control himself now.

“I tell you to back off and you don't listen and then you just stand there waiting just so I start feeling pity for you? So you can finally apologize to me or something?” Jisung’s voice wavered. “So _you_ can get the closure you so desperately want? Do you expect me to forgive you? What do you want with me, Hwang Hyunjin? Just tell me!”

Hyunjin’s head drooped like a scolded puppy. “I was going to. Right now.”

“I’m tired of thinking about you. Do you know what you did to me?” Jisung looked up, tears in his eyes. “Just when I’m over you, you come back. Just tell me, please. Please so I can go home and spend another three years healing the wounds you just reopened.”

“So you were,” Hyunjin whispered.

“What?” A tear slipped from Jisung’s eye but he angrily wiped it away.

Hyunjin sat on the bench, leaving some space between them. He was hunched over, his head falling low and his hair covering most of his face. “You were in love with me.”

Jisung’s mouth went dry. He’d never admitted it before, to anyone.

“You knew?” He raised his voice. “You knew, and you still left?”

“Jisung.” Hyunjin’s voice was thick with emotion.

“I can’t do this anymore!” Jisung cried.

“Jisung, you don't think it hurt me too?” Hyunjin turned to meet Jisung’s eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks. His hands were trembling. “Do you think I haven't thought about you every single day since then?”

“How was I supposed to know that? Then why?” Seeing Hyunjin cry made him even weaker.

“I loved you too, Jisung,” Hyunjin said quietly. “I just– I had to leave. It wasn't my choice. My dad got a job somewhere far and I hadn't confessed my feelings yet, and I didn't know if you felt the same. I didn't want to see your face when I told you, I knew it would break your heart. It would break mine. I wasn't strong enough, I was a coward.” He let out a sob. “I’m so sorry, Jisung.”

Jisung stayed silent, letting the weight of his words sink in. He loved him back? Hwang Hyunjin loved him back?

The words didn't make him feel better. His blood boiled with anger and sadness and betrayal all at once. It didn't change anything. His words alone couldn’t make up for his pain.

It was too little, too late.

He never looked for him again. He was already willing to accept the fact he would never see him. He didn't _want_ to see him.

“I can't forgive you,” Jisung spat.

“I don't care,” Hyunjin sobbed. “I just wanted to tell you, Jisung, I don't expect you to forgive me. I’m so sorry.”

Jisung stood up and strode closer to the lake. He couldn’t look at Hyunjin cry anymore. “Why are you doing this, Hyunjin?” he asked, looking up at the moon in an attempt to fight the tears.

“I needed to tell you what really happened. Why I did what I did,” Hyunjin admitted. “I saw you there in the library and I didn’t want to let the opportunity pass. I would regret it for the rest of my life. And I don’t want you to think I wanted to hurt you.”

Jisung no longer raised his voice. “You still hurt me. You hurt me badly. I don't know if I can thank you for telling me. But I hate this. I hate you. Nothing is going to change.”

He heard Hyunjin trying to muffle his sobs with his sleeve. The sound made his heart wrench, and he wanted to go back, comfort him, make up and forget any of this ever happened.

Jisung only came with the hope that it would give him closure, too, but it left him with a deeper hole instead.

“These years have been the hardest of my life. I was so sad all the time I started doing badly in school. I didn’t have any friends until I got here. You were my support system and you abandoned me,” Jisung stated.

“I’m sorry,” Hyunjin managed.

“We could keep going like this for hours,” Jisung said. He sat down in the grass, facing the lake.

It still didn’t feel real. None of it did. Not the dinner, not the apology nor his confession of love.

He was exhausted. His heart hadn’t stopped racing and now he was out of breath. All he wanted was to get back to the dorms and sleep.

Jisung heard the grass shift under Hyunjin’s feet and looked up to find the boy’s hand extended toward him.

His gaze traveled to his face, where his cheeks were lined with red streaks, and his eyes were getting puffy.

Sighing, he took his hand and pulled on him to throw his weight up enough to stand. Hyunjin hardly had to exert any effort though. Jisung was always light.

He was already on his feet, but weirdly enough, Jisung didn’t want to let go.

Hyunjin stood in front of him, bewildered. “Jisung?”

Jisung’s hand went slack and he headed over to the bike, where the blue pastry box was still waiting on the handlebar.

It was too late to ask about it now.

He waited for Hyunjin to get on the bike before getting on himself.

Once he was settled, Hyunjin stood there, not pulling off.

“Hyunjin?” Jisung asked.

“I don't want you to fall,” he said quietly.

Jisung gingerly wrapped his arms around Hyunjin. Again, he felt his breath quiver on its way out, and it was clear it wasn't related to the cold that time.

The silence between them wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t calm either. The sorrow was almost tangible, seeping into his skin and emerging as tears in his eyes. He knew he had to say goodbye this time. Hyunjin hadn’t done that for him the first time, but he knew he needed to let this go.

He had to let Hyunjin go.

Jisung’s grip tightened. His head drooped down until it rested on Hyunjin’s back. And he allowed the tears to fall.

His body ached when he held down the noises that threatened to come out of his mouth. It ached with emotion and tensed with every sob. He clamped his mouth shut so Hyunjin wouldn’t hear. He just wanted to go home and cry himself to sleep. He wanted to sleep for the rest of the weekend and resume his classes on Monday like nothing happened.

Jisung knew that wasn’t possible. He knew he would go back to missing him. He knew he would be the same kid that was lost when he was gone. He was his path, his guide. But he would be okay. He’d done it once before. He could do it again, right?

_Right?_

He let out a small sob.

_Shit._

“Jisung?” Hyunjin’s voice was still throaty.

“What,” Jisung said flatly.

Hyunjin stopped pedaling and planted his feet on the ground. “You're crying,” Hyunjin said.

Jisung didn't move a muscle. “No, I’m not.”

“Hannie.”

“I told you to stop calling me that.” Jisung drew his arms in and angrily got off the bike, turning his back to Hyunjin and storming off in the opposite direction.

He couldn't face him anymore.

He heard the bicycle falling behind him, followed by Hyunjin’s footsteps. Jisung broke out into a sprint. The sound of his feet hitting the pavement was deafening, but only his voice broke through the barrier.

“Jisung, wait!”

His shoelaces were tied too loosely. One of his shoes came off, tripping him in the process. He caught himself with his hands, the gravel painfully digging into his palm.

“Jisung!” He heard his footsteps growing louder and louder until they were right beside him. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, please go away.” Jisung waved him off.

“No,” Hyunjin said.

“Hyunjin, please.”

Hyunjin gently grabbed Jisung’s foot, adjusting his sock and placing the shoe on him as gently as possible. He tied the shoelaces and fastened them tight. He smiled a little. “You always were lazy with your laces.”

Jisung let out a huff of annoyance.

“Your hands?” Hyunjin carefully examined his palms, which only had light scratches.

He looked up into Jisung’s eyes. Both their tears hadn't stopped since they started.

They were in a dark street now. The moonlight made everything glow, including him.

Looking at him now, he was even more beautiful.

His jaw was firmer, his nose more pronounced. He used to have his hair in a bowl cut, and now it was parted in the middle. His lower lip was fuller, soft.

Hyunjin was staring back at him, his gaze solid.

His eyes were so dark he couldn't see the contrast between his iris and his pupil.

If he was close enough, he could see it. The deep brown that was almost black. His pupils were dilated from having to see in the dark. Jisung thought his own were a lot more constricted. Hyunjin was the brightest thing he'd ever seen.

Hyunjin thoughtfully blinked back at him.

He couldn't give his heart to Hwang Hyunjin again. It had taken him too long to get it back.

It was so hard to focus.

His skin was so smooth. It was all he could do to stop himself from touching him. Putting his hand on his cheek. And maybe going a little farther than that.

“Jisung,” Hyunjin said for the hundredth time that night.

Hearing his name run across his lips. His heart palpitated, threatening to burst out of his chest.

He never stopped. It never went away. Hyunjin had kept it the whole time, and he came back to return it.

He finally felt complete.

Maybe it was the traces of alcohol in his system, but Jisung leaned forward, without another thought.

Their lips brushed against each other, initiating a chemical reaction inside Jisung’s body. His lungs lost air, his stomach fluttered, his heart was in his throat.

Hyunjin pulled back slowly, his eyelids drooping. His mouth was agape, like he wanted to say something, but it never came.

He simply pulled Jisung to him, kissing him back harder.

They frantically gripped each other’s clothes, reaching out for one another.

Jisung ran his fingers through Hyunjin’s hair. His body ached to make up for lost time, to take back every single thing that had been stolen from him.

The kiss was tinged with salt from the tears. But Jisung could taste something sweet, and he didn't know if it was real or if he was imagining it. Hyunjin’s lips were candy and he couldn't get enough.

Hyunjin’s hand came up to caress his cheek. His fingers were delicate, the tips stopping right behind his ears.

Jisung couldn't remember the last time he'd been this happy.

For so long, he shielded himself from the thought of getting too close to anyone in fear that the story would repeat. That wasn't the case anymore.

Hyunjin was here. With him. In his arms.

He felt Hyunjin start to pull away, and he tried his best to close the gap, but Hyunjin put a finger to his lips. Their foreheads pressed together as they regained their breath, and Jisung had to try his best to not kiss him again. He’d only had a taste but he wanted more.

Hyunjin framed his face with both of his hands, looking straight into his eyes. “I won't leave you again.”

A knot formed in Jisung’s throat. “Don't promise me that. Please.”

“I promise you, I won't leave you again.” When Jisung didn't respond, he planted a kiss on his forehead and tugged him into his chest. Jisung drowned in his scent, basking in the safe space that was the front of his sweater and his arms. He felt Hyunjin’s chin rest on top of his head. Even though his cologne was different, he still smelled like Himself.

This was okay.

Even though he was too damaged to fully take in Hyunjin’s promise, this was okay.

“I still love you,” Hyunjin whispered. “I always have.”

It was so silent, Jisung could hardly hear him. But he did. He tilted his head up to look at him. Hyunjin looked back, his eyes glimmering. Jisung didn't have to look at the sky to see the stars. They were all inside Hyunjin’s eyes.

But he was conflicted. He didn't know how to feel.

“You don't have to say it back,” Hyunjin said, reading his mind. “It's okay if you're not ready. I know I hurt you and I’ll never forgive myself for that.” His finger stroked Jisung’s cheek, wiping a stray tear that had slipped out of his eye. “But I’m going to try my best to earn you back. If you’ll allow me to have this chance.”

Relief filled Jisung’s body.

This was better than okay.

He wanted to say he loved him just for that. Just for being so understanding the way he'd always been. But he was going to take his time.

“Okay,” Jisung conceded.

Hyunjin smiled brightly, cupping Jisung’s face to kiss him again. “Thank you.”

They sat there on the ground, their limbs a tangled mess, in each other’s warmth to protect them from the cold. It must have been around midnight now, but Jisung didn't care. He could stay here forever. 

“Come on, Hannie,” Hyunjin said after a moment, interrupting his thoughts. He stood up and held out his hand for Jisung. “You still haven't had your dessert.”

At that, Jisung straightened, his mouth already watering. “What is it?”

“You'll see,” Hyunjin said, a small smile on his face.

They strolled side by side as they made their way back onto the main street, heading toward the bike Hyunjin had left discarded on the side of the road.

“Do you want to go back to the dorms?” Hyunjin asked.

 _It doesn't matter as long as you're there._ “Sure,” Jisung responded.

The blue box was still hanging from the handle, waiting patiently.

They got on the bike the same way they did before, only this time, Jisung more than happily hugged Hyunjin from behind.

When he was really happy, he liked to sing.

It didn’t happen often anymore. The most he would do was hum quietly. But before Hyunjin left, it wasn’t rare for him to burst into song.

He wasn’t bad—even went as far as composing music when he had free time—but he never took it seriously. Hyunjin always tried to push him to pursue it as a career or at least do some gigs around town. But he never did.

Now, as he propped his head on Hyunjin’s shoulder, he felt his insides vibrate as he started humming a mellow tune, the melody slightly melancholic.

Hyunjin seemed to know the song and started humming along.

His notes started going a little flat, but that only made Jisung hold him tighter. He was the closest thing to perfect to him, as imperfect as he was. Jisung wasn’t perfect either. He was sure he was singing in the wrong key.

His leaving made Jisung reflect on his unrealistic ideals for the people he met before then. He couldn’t expect anyone to give him the world. But he knew Hyunjin would try his best to give him the pieces, one by one, even if they didn’t always fit together.

Jisung closed his eyes. Maybe he was too trusting. Maybe they were moving too fast. It’d only been a few hours. Maybe he was only setting himself up to be let down again.

_No._

He was happy now. At this very moment, singing with Hyunjin, riding his bike with the cold air in their faces, he was content. He couldn’t dwell on the what ifs. He could deal with those when they came.

They ended the song they were humming, and Jisung spoke up. “Hyunjin?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you,” Jisung said. “For coming back.”

Hyunjin didn’t say anything back, but Jisung didn’t pay much mind. He was starting to get sleepy, but he had to stay awake to not fall off the bike.

They approached the dorms and stopped at the bike rack at the side of Jisung’s building, where Hyunjin parked and put the lock on. He took the blue box from the handle and held it tight, then he took Jisung’s hand in his free one.

“Hyung,” Jisung hissed. “Someone could see us.”

“Who cares?” Hyunjin said. He smiled mischievously and brought Jisung’s hand up to his lips, kissing it gently.

His heart fluttered in his chest.

Despite Jisung’s protests, they went through the doors hand in hand. There was no one out at this time, so it really wasn’t very likely, but there were always night owls straggling in the halls.

They went into the elevator, Jisung shyly looking at the floor. The last time they were here together, the fire inside Jisung burned viciously. Now, the atmosphere was so light he felt like he was floating.

The doors opened on the third floor, and Jisung quickly snatched his hand away as someone came in. The guy gave them a curt nod and turned his back to them as he pressed the button to the floor above theirs.

Hyunjin inched closer to Jisung, his pinkie stretching out to touch his hand. Jisung swatted it away, sending him a warning look. All Hyunjin did was smile and loop his pinkie around Jisung’s.

He really, _really_ wanted to kiss him again. But he had to wait.

With a _ding,_ the elevator doors opened and they scooted past the man to make their exit. Jisung’s room was all the way down the hall.

Hyunjin tried to grab his hand again, but Jisung refused, not wanting to risk someone seeing them. No one here knew about him, and he wanted it to stay that way. He didn’t need a scandal.

He unlocked his room and went inside, Hyunjin following behind him. He dropped his key on the desk, his study materials still sprawled on the bed, which was poorly made after he had been in a rush the previous morning. Hyunjin didn't seem to mind. He pulled a chair from the desk and set it beside the bed, patting the mattress so Jisung would sit. After he obeyed, he set down the box and started opening it, pulling out two small forks from inside.

Chocolate cake.

Hyunjin hadn’t finished undoing the box yet, but a glimpse at the melted fudge topping gave it away. The more he opened it, Jisung noticed there was a speck of white. Another slice of something else?

“It’s probably not good to be having sweets this late at night, huh?” said Hyunjin.

“Then maybe I shouldn’t kiss you again,” Jisung teased.

Hyunjin’s fingers stopped working the package as he looked at Jisung, surprised.

The latter felt his ears go hot, his sudden bravado quickly ceasing. “Um. I–”

Hyunjin leaned close to his face, placing his hand under his chin. “That was really cute.”

Unexpectedly, he tilted his body all the way forward, indulging Jisung once again. Jisung wrapped his arms around his neck, holding him close.

The kiss was soft this time, patient. And it felt even better. It was like he was being told they had all the time in the world now. 

Hyunjin let go sooner than he wanted, though.

“Here,” Hyunjin said. He’d reached back to grab a fork and cut into the chocolate cake. Jisung eagerly opened his mouth, and with a smile, Hyunjin fed him the piece.

The fudge melted and coated his tongue, filling his mouth with its warm sweetness, the cake gooey and moist as he bit into it. He shut his eyes as the flavor sunk into him, a pleased noise rising from his throat.

The expression on Hyunjin’s face when he opened his eyes melted him almost the same way the chocolate did.

His eyes sunk low and he was fixated on him, his gaze unmoving. Jisung couldn’t read the expression on his face. He couldn’t tell if it was sorrow or relief.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Jisung questioned.

Hyunjin shook his head. “No reason.”

However, Jisung forgot all about it when he abruptly turned back around and opened the box to unveil a slice of cheesecake. Jisung’s face brightened. He loved cheesecake just as much, if not more, than chocolate cake. He always had. “How do you still remember all this stuff?”

“I just do,” Hyunjin shrugged.

Hyunjin scooped another piece into his mouth, but when he went for another one, Jisung had to lean back and wave his hands in front of his face. “Stop! I’m going to look so bloated tomorrow, it’s too late.”

“But you look so happy eating it.” Hyunjin pouted and set the fork aside.

“Tomorrow,” Jisung assured him.

“Tomorrow,” Hyunjin echoed.

While Hyunjin was putting the box back together, Jisung slyly kissed his cheek, and his chest stirred violently after he did it.

He’d only kissed one other person before, and that was one night he got drunk at a party with Changbin. He couldn’t even remember who the person was. The thought made his curiosity spike.

“You don’t have to answer, but did you… kiss anyone else? Or… date?” Jisung asked. He regretted the question the moment it passed his lips.

“Yes.” Hyunjin’s eyes shifted around awkwardly.

“You don’t–”

“No. I want to be transparent with you.” Hyunjin ran a hand through his hair. “I tried dating a few people. To try to forget about you. Needless to say, it never worked.”

Jisung nodded. _I guess that’s understandable._

“Did you?”

“No. I kissed someone at a party once, but I was drunk.”

That made Hyunjin smile a little. “Oh, Hannie.”

“I didn’t even know I did it until my friend told me the next morning,” Jisung told him. “I was really angry about it.”

“You have made friends, then?” Hyunjin perked up.

“Yes. But it’s been hard,” Jisung admitted. “I’ve made two.”

“What’re their names?”

“Seo Changbin and Lee Minho. You probably don’t know them though, they’re older. One is in music production and the other is a vet major.”

“A vet major? That’s surprising.”

“He’s an interesting guy. What about you, though?”

“I’ve got friends all over the place. There’s Kim Seungmin who’s in photography. Um, there’s Lee Felix and he’s-”

“Lee Felix? That quiet Australian? He’s in my maths class!”

“ _Quiet?_ You’ve got the wrong guy. He’s really nice though. I’m going to have to introduce you to the rest of them sometime.”

Jisung rested back on the bed, more at ease than he’d felt in a long time. Hyunjin was back, _and_ he would be making new friends. It did feel odd to him that all the pieces suddenly seemed to be connecting and that everything from now on looked like it would move smoother. Like it was too good to be true. He’d had that feeling before, and it didn’t always end well.

The previous day, he never imagined his night would look like this. All he wanted was to do his work and have a relaxing start to the weekend. He started off hating Hyunjin’s memory with every inch of his being, and now his love felt rejuvenated and new.

Jisung placed his head on the pillow, and Hyunjin reached to lace his fingers through Jisung’s hair, combing it back and pushing stray pieces behind his ears.

“I’m sorry I hurt you, baby,” Hyunjin whispered.

“You don’t need to apologize anymore,” Jisung said. “Just stay with me.”

Hyunjin drew his hand away when he said that.

“What’s wrong?” Jisung asked.

His heartbeat grew as did his nerves.

“About that.”

“What? About what?” Jisung sat up and looked at him anxiously.

“No, don’t freak out. It’s just.” He licked his lips nervously. “I’m actually going away for a little while.”

There it was. It was too good to be true.

“Away? What do you mean? Where?” Jisung was panicking now. His words ran together and he stuttered.

“Calm down,” Hyunjin pleaded, putting his hands on Jisung’s face. “Calm down. I opted to study abroad next semester, in the States. But it’s just for a semester, I promise.”

Jisung thought for a second. The next semester started in a little over a month. “Then… then I’ll go with you!” Jisung blurted. “I’ll sign up too.”

“Are you crazy?” Hyunjin shook his head. “You said you’re still in exploratory, right? Choose your major first. You’ll still be here when I get back. Don’t cling to me too tightly, okay?”

He was right. The fear of abandonment was kicking in, but he’d done this before. He could manage without him for a little bit, even if he didn’t want to.

“I’ll always text and call. And I’ll send you cute selfies too.”

Jisung’s nerves subsided a little. “You always were so vain,” Jisung remarked, rolling his eyes.

Hyunjin smirked back at him. “I have every right to be. And now I have more reason. I’ve got Han Jisung as my boyfriend.”

Jisung’s eyes widened. “Boyfriend?”

_Is Hwang Hyunjin my boyfriend?_

“What? No?” Hyunjin’s eyebrows shot up and his smile turned into a pucker.

“I don’t… You didn’t ask me, or anything…”

At that, Hyunjin took his cheeks in his hands again, idly running his thumbs across his skin.

“Would you like to be?”

Jisung’s mind was going a mile a minute. Was it too soon? They just found each other again after more than three years. They’d both changed as people individually, but he still felt like his best friend. He was still Hyunjin. But was a few hours enough to convince him to fully commit? He thought long and hard. He didn’t want to discover that Hyunjin had changed more than he anticipated. He didn’t want surprises. He wanted to be with him. He wanted to love him unconditionally, even if that meant they had to relearn how to be around each other. If it meant they could be together for a long time, he would make the sacrifice now.

“I want to give it a little time,” Jisung stated.

Hyunjin grinned and kissed him on the tip of his nose, and then on his forehead. “I understand that. And I think you’re smart for it. We may be moving too fast, eh?”

“I’m going to have to put a limit on those kisses,” Jisung said through a smile. “You have to earn it.”

“Mmm. No.” Hyunjin squished Jisung’s face between his hands and kissed his lips.

Jisung kissed him back languorously, taking in his lower lip. Hyunjin seemed slightly taken aback, but he adjusted quickly, his hands traveling from his face to the small of his back.

Jisung couldn’t help but feel like that was where he belonged. The way Hyunjin held him, how he fit in his arms. He could feel his heartbeat in his fingertips, and something told him they were completely in sync. He didn’t want to be anywhere else but here. He knew Hyunjin would have to leave, and the hours would be long before they saw each other again, but he was worth it. For now, Jisung knew he was worth it. The pure ecstasy he felt was more than enough to make up for it.

Jisung let go of the kiss to bury his face in Hyunjin’s neck, holding him tightly. He didn’t think he could tell him he loved him yet, but he wanted the words to travel to his brain telepathically. Maybe if he embraced him hard enough…

“Go to sleep, Hannie,” Hyunjin cooed. “It’s getting really late.”

“It’s a Saturday,” Jisung protested. He didn’t want Hyunjin to leave yet.

“I know you’re tired,” Hyunjin said. “I saw you working hard earlier. And I swear you were falling asleep on my bike.”

_Your kisses are enough to wake me up again._

“Please,” Jisung whined.

Hyunjin stood and strided over to his closet, ignoring him. “Do you have any extra blankets? It’s getting really cold to sleep with just-”

He took something out of the closet, but Jisung couldn’t see because his back was to him. The blue material peeked out from behind him, though, and Jisung’s heart leaped when he figured out what it was.

“You kept it?” Hyunjin’s voice sounded detached.

“Yes,” Jisung said quietly.

“You hated me…”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t going to throw out a perfectly good jacket,” Jisung said haughtily. But he knew it meant more than that. He’d brought it with him to the dorms when he could’ve just left it at home. He could see on Hyunjin’s face when he turned around that the thought crossed his mind too.

Jisung just _wanted_ to hate him. Now he knew it was all a charade for himself. He knew it was an unreasonable amount now that Hyunjin had done everything to ask for another chance and explained himself.

A grudge was the only bit of Hyunjin he could have with him every day. Longing for him would make him too guilty. He couldn’t live with himself if he kept loving the person who abandoned him.

It wasn’t Hyunjin’s fault. He just didn’t want to hurt him.

It would all be okay from now on.

Hyunjin stared at the letterman jacket in his hands, rubbing his thumbs over the fabric. “I want to see you in it.” He moved closer to Jisung and handed it to him.

Jisung slipped his arms into it, hugging himself once he put it on. It was already oversized, but it fit huge on his slim build.

Hyunjin smiled the brightest he’d smiled all night, his eyes turning into crescent moons. He took Jisung in his arms, holding his head close to his abdomen, pushing his fingers through his hair. He bent over and kissed the top of his head. “Sleep with it on,” he said.

“Stay with me,” Jisung pleaded.

Hyunjin looked at him thoughtfully. “I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”

Jisung happily scooted over on the bed to give Hyunjin enough room.

Hyunjin laid on the pillow next to him, both of them facing each other.

“I’m going to kiss you,” said Jisung.

“I thought you said no more kisses,” Hyunjin retorted.

Jisung gave Hyunjin a peck. “There. Last one.”

Hyunjin put his finger up to Jisung’s chin, softly tracing his skin up to his cheek. The motion made Jisung doze off faster than he wanted to.

The last thing he felt before he drifted was Hyunjin’s fingertip along his lip. He thought he heard him say something, but he was too far gone.

When the light hit Jisung’s eyes the next morning, he expected to feel emptiness next to him. That was how he woke up every morning. But he felt Hyunjin’s arm under his head and his other around his waist, his body spooning him.

Jisung smiled to himself. He didn’t leave even though he said he would.

  
  


\-----------------

  
  
  


They knew they only had a month before Hyunjin left for the States. 

And to their dismay, it passed much faster than they anticipated.

Hyunjin introduced him to his many friends, who seamlessly took him in as part of the group and accepted him even without knowing much about him. They didn’t treat him as just “Hyunjin’s friend.” He grew closer to each of them individually, and sometimes hung out with them without Hyunjin around. Even Jisung’s friends found themselves included.

The two went on dates. They went to the beach, to the movies, for simple walks in the park, or to karaoke and arcades.

His life got incredibly dull with Hyunjin away. But he slowly painted the color back into his world, stroke by stroke.

Saying goodbye at the airport was painful.

Hyunjin was approaching security, and Jisung nor the rest of his friends could continue with him. His friends said their farewells first and wished him luck. They gave him brief hugs, patting him on the back. But when it was Jisung’s turn, he hugged him so tightly he was sure he couldn’t breathe.

There were tears building up in his eyes, but he didn’t want to cry.

Hyunjin pulled away, their faces close together and looking into each other’s eyes. Hyunjin also looked like he was about to cry.

“Hey,” the older said. “I want to tell all my American friends about my boyfriend waiting for me back home. Can I do that?”

_Will you be my boyfriend?_

“Yes.”

Hyunjin kissed him unexpectedly, out in public, in front of all his friends.

Jisung’s eyes were wide open in shock. But he sunk into him, returning it. He didn’t care anymore.

“Goodbye, Hannie.”

Jisung was in a daze when he saw him walking away, suitcases rolling beside him.

“Hell yeah!” Changbin shouted, smacking Jisung on the back. The impact made him lurch forward, losing his balance.

Others tousled his hair and patted him more gently on the shoulder.

With one final wave, Hyunjin was out of sight, and Jisung turned around to find smiling faces greeting him.

He wiped a tear away and made his way out of the airport with them, Felix’s arm over his shoulder.

Fifteen weeks. He could handle it. Fifteen weeks.

One week went by, and they spoke on the phone every day.

Three weeks went by, and some nights Hyunjin was too busy or too tired for a call, so he just sent a text.

Five weeks, and he would send pictures of himself. Sometimes he forgot to reply.

Seven weeks, Hyunjin apologized for being so distant, but he promised he would call him more often.

Week 8. He called more often. Jisung finally decided on his major—music production, like Changbin.

Week 10. Hyunjin did a flip-flop between texts and calls.

Week 13. Jisung fell asleep at his desk while doing homework and didn’t hear his phone ringing. He tried calling back, but it got sent to voicemail. He didn’t get any more calls for the rest of the week.

Week 14. Radio silence.

Week 15. Hyunjin was coming home. He hadn’t heard a peep from him, and when Jisung called up his friends to ask if they heard anything, they said the same thing.

Hyunjin had vanished.

Again.

Anxiety filled Jisung, but at least he had his friends there to help him out. Only a lot of what they said didn’t get through to him. He convinced himself he was gone again.

Why else wouldn’t he have said anything to any of them for two weeks? He stayed in America. He decided he wanted to stay there and he stayed and the story would repeat. He didn’t care about anyone else but himself. He‒

But Jisung heard tapping at his dorm window one day.

And he instantly knew what it meant.

He bolted out of the dorm and ran down the stairs because the elevator would take too long. He burst through the front doors, and there, aiming to throw another pebble at Jisung’s window, was Hyunjin.

He tackled him and Hyunjin yelped in surprise.

“You left me!” Jisung said, punching his chest.

“My parents forgot to pay for my cell phone service!” Hyunjin cried. “I’m so sorry, I had no other way of contacting you I’m sorry!”

Jisung sobbed into Hyunjin’s chest, and Hyunjin held him tight, both panting from the sudden exertion.

“Stupid idiot,” Jisung muttered.

Hyunjin laughed. “I am a stupid idiot. But this stupid idiot is not going anywhere.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> miles gave me the prompt for this and i'm so glad i can say this is the first fic i've ever finished in my YEARS of writing.  
> i hope i did okay at bringing it to life. love u
> 
> thank you for reading and i hope u enjoyed!
> 
> twitter: bokiebun


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